On a snowy November day, my daughter Kit and I were dividing four boxes of tree ornaments. Kit, now living independently, wanted to decorate her own Christmas tree. Unpacking the decorations brought back memories of past losses and grief for children no longer present during the holidays.
Over eight years, our family grew and shrank with 23 foster children, most of whom were temporary placements. While still fostering, our two children joined our family through adoption. I was amazed to discover that Kit remembered the stories behind each homemade ornament, even from makers she had never met. Her holiday memories differed from mine, which surprised me.
As I opened a box, I found a tree topper from our first Christmas together as newlyweds. The iridescent angel had a crack between its wings and body held together by Krazy Glue. Passing it to Kit, I wondered if she would want it due to its fragile state. Her eyes gleamed under her festive reindeer hat as she happily accepted the angel.
Recalling how Kit always wanted to place the angel on top of the tree because she thought she was never tall enough, we shared a laugh. She had grown since then, and it was decided that the angel would go with her.
In another tin, I discovered a Santa sleigh and reindeer ornament crafted by an eight-year-old foster child we had hosted at a Christmas party in 1999. Despite feeling a mix of lingering grief and anger due to the child’s subsequent separation, Kit found joy in the ornament, noting the flames shooting out from the sleigh like in a movie.
Our family made efforts to ensure inclusivity for foster children during the holidays by adjusting our Christmas dinner dates so they could spend time with their families. We also established a tradition of buying unique ornaments for each child to keep as a memory of their time with us.
Among the ornaments was a reindeer made of chocolate-colored pompoms, ribbon, googly eyes, and pipe cleaner antlers, affectionately nicknamed “Big Balls” by one of our sons. Reflecting on past divisions of ornaments during a previous separation, Kit shared her appreciation for the consistency of Rudolph being on the tree every Christmas, regardless of where they celebrated.
This year’s tree decorating holds a new promise for me, as Kit’s positive outlook and memories associated with each ornament overshadow any past sadness. I eagerly anticipate seeing her decorated tree this holiday season.